mylo

for a long now life has only been surviving on reducing bilirubin levels, fixing all the liver enzymes, hourly water doses, all the worldly vegetables, injections, tests and tablets. i tried writing editorial columns lastly. karbianglong guwahati, guwahati naugaon or someday i was on dibrugharh rajdhani, i am chasing brahmaputra

i'm writing here from delhi so would at least talk about it, in bits and pieces here and there. i book an auto ride, inner circle to harvinder lane. search and read a little about jhumpa lahri, and on some days ended up at khan, ballimaran or early in the morning near to humayun's mausoleum. i don't know if i am writing it for somebody to read or i fear of writing that's made public, i scare of shedding fear that binds me through these rides, rides that would rather be made in metros are being made the other way. how does it feel to look for friends, places to hang out and rome around, or i'm just paying bills at random fab outlets and cribbing over failed study strategies. i am scared of this feeling.  

i'm writing here, might be on the eastern khashi, gauhati shillong, the david's scout trail and back to guahati again. for six hours straight i travelled with a kabui, imphal tamenglong. tamenglong was to be reached through kuki villages, least would i ever know and be aware of, but always wanted to travel across. i lived at an unwanted address, the govt bungalow, the govt existed on papers here, bungalow was a far-fetched dream. i read more about state affairs, military convoys that followed throughout, checkposts and public carriers. back in imphal i lived at sareo's, the tangkhul naga. i posed questions on transgender, the affairs of sexual workers, and survived on green tea at madam saroja's. i have been treated with celery at a grand dinner at sareo's. madam saroja dropped me back from 'na-hupta' and said stay with us, don't leave manipur 

i left at ten on this saturday morning through dmrc, and survived here at carnatic

"every time my surroundings change i feel enormous sadness. it's not greater when i leave a place tied to memories, grief or happiness. its the change itself that unsettles me, just as liquid in a jar turns cloudy when you shake it - italo svevo"

(nahutpa (chura karan) is a very important one in respect of the growth of the child as it is performed when the child reaches the age of three or five years)

(grammar has been left casual, some sentences are intentionally left incomplete, and the blog is written in pieces across places)